2014: A Smattering Of Thoughts

It's about this time of my yearly routine that I look back on the previous year and think to myself, "What all has happened this past year?" Sometimes I try to go through each month of the previous year and try to remember one thing I accomplished that month. At times it's hard to remember, which is sad. Other things easily pop into my memory, and those are usually the "high moments" of my year.

Here is my list: twelve moments that stand out to me from 2013, by month.

January: Came home from my Disney World internship
February: Completed a "Photo-A-Day" Instagram challenge
March: Gave up Facebook for Lent
April: Road trip to Missouri for my cousin's wedding
May: Purchased my first "pro" camera equipment
June: Smashed my thumb under a falling railroad tie
July: Played copious amounts of League of Legends while healing from said railroad tie
August: Returned to college and went "official" with my wonderful girlfriend after months of talking
September: Landed a design position for yearbook staff
October: Road trip to Wisconsin to visit my girlfriend
November: Thanksgiving with my family
December: Finished my semester with flying colors and good academic momentum

Looking back, it was a good year overall. I had many wonderful moments (emphasis on the trip to see my girlfriend), yet at the same time, I feel like there are little memories that have slipped through the cracks that I've forgotten. It's a sad fact of life that most people don't always remember every positive moment.

For that reason, I have an idea for this new year. New Year's "resolutions" are horribly cliché, and are often quickly forgotten and broken easily, so we'll just call it an idea for now. I'd like to start a journal of sorts. One of my professors keeps sketchbook journals, and I think it's a great idea. His journals are filled with writings, doodles, pasted photos, and thoughts he's had over the years and immortalized on the pages. Some of them are long and took a substantial amount of time to document; others are shorter and more staccato. But looking through the pages, there's thousands of thoughts documented.

I want to do that. Any given moment of any day, I have fleeting thoughts for possible art projects, photos I could take, places I want to visit, and things I want to do. Why should I let life continue to happen and let these innate desires of mine be forgotten?

So this year, I'm starting a journal. I've invested in a sketchbook, and I plan to fill it. Perhaps this year will fill the book; or perhaps it will leave some empty pages. But at the end of the year, I would love to look through it and see what ideas this year has inspired in my life. Who knows, maybe some of the ideas I write down will lead to adventures and projects in reality. Life is what we make it, and we only have so much time. I intend to make the most of it.

I also plan to post on this blog more regularly, so stay tuned; there's more to come! Here's to a wonderful year.

Happy new year, everyone.

**ending only to begin again**
- Knolster

True friendship

So there's this girl... we'll call her my "significant other". Though we are not so public about it right now, we are currently "in talks"... our friendship of four years has seen its share of highs and lows, but is truly something special that I wouldn't trade for anything. To say I do not love her would be the saddest lie I could ever tell. She's a wonderful person, but also one of the most challenging people I've ever met.

Tonight, this girl and I were exploring some of our deepest worries and insecurities about ourselves, our lives, and each other. We were both feeling very emotional about things, and though we are insanely supportive of each other through thick and thin, tonight was a heavy night for us. Our conversation was honest, raw, and painful as we explored our own thoughts and qualms.

It was just past eleven when she decided she wanted to take a break from the conversation to  write. Hmm, not a bad idea; I thought. I'll just do some writing of my own.

As she went offline, and just as I was about to close out of everything to write some of my own thoughts, I absentmindedly started reading a page of quotes on friendship that I had opened at some point during our conversation. After skimming a few drab, overly cliché quotes about love, I was about to close the tab, when a rather lengthy post caught my eye. Without reading it, I glanced down to see who the author was. Bob Marley? My interest piqued, I decided to read the quote... which then proceeded to blow my mind all over the walls of the room.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, do you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul, and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind... like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day; and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

― Bob Marley

Holy crap. Everything that this rasta man just said... was everything I wanted to say in that moment. Nothing but pure, unabashed love. A love that can never be explained with mere words. Love so honest, it has to be the same kind of love that Jesus, who is truth, shows to us.

Sometimes friendship is simple. But true, honest friendship is beautiful. When you have a true friend who you can trust, and who cares as much about you as you do for them, that's nothing short of amazing. You will be hard pressed to find many friends like this in life... I consider myself lucky to have found even one.

Do not take friendship lightly... for it is one of the most wonderful things you can have in this life


**don't worry, be happy** 

- Knolster

I Lived

Ever feel like the shuffle feature in iTunes is some sort of a musical god that can somehow predict your mood swings and empathize with your feelings? Time and time again, I absent-mindedly flip my iPod to "shuffle all songs" and drown myself in whatever it comes up with. And I've noticed a phenomenon; within three songs, usually a song plays that somehow resonates with how I feel that very moment.

This happens to me quite frequently, and today was no exception. Lately I've been thinking a lot about life decisions. Well, this morning I popped my headphones on before rolling out of bed (on "shuffle"), and the second song that played was off of OneRepublic's new album, Native. Perhaps you've heard it before... it's called "I Lived".

The chorus is as follows...

"I did it all. I owned every second that this world could give.
I saw so many places, the things that I did.
Yeah with every broken bone, I swear I lived..."

This song resonates with so many feels within my soul. It causes emotions to rise; it provokes thought; and it reawakens a yearning within me to experience life at its fullest. Disney was a huge experience for me; I can't remember a moment when I wasn't experiencing something new or discovering new things. Every day was an adventure.

Upon moving back to the Midwest, life has gone stagnant (or so it would seem). Yes, I still have moments of joy with my family, and I will always cherish these times. But as a whole, life has slowed down a bit in contrast to my fast-paced, schedule-packing life in Florida. But here is my thoughts in a nutshell: Fast or slow, never fail to cherish each moment in life.

Don't get so caught up in the "big picture" that you fail to live for today. It is wise to live for a better tomorrow, of course; but do not forget to experience the world around you right now, no matter where you are. Life is way too short to take it slow; as soon as moments arrive,  they are gone. Map out some dreams you wish to achieve and work towards them. But today, in this moment, do wonderful things. Create. Dance. Live. Once you get to where you want to be a month, a year, or ten years down the road, you will look back on your life; and you'll be glad that you lived each moment and appreciated the time you were blessed with. Reach out to others and don't fail to seize the moments you have before they pass and are lost forever. And "with every broken bone", don't be discouraged. You will be stronger for the hard times.

Go places. Do things. Cherish people around you.

But whatever you do, make sure you live life to the fullest.


**fin**

- Knolster