Closure: A Dream

It had been a good work day. No better feeling than punching out, he thought. He wasn’t tired so much as relieved... that feeling that a runner has at the finish of a race. Exhilaration? No, that was a bit much.

Turning around the bend in the walk, he slowed as he saw her coming. She was still a ways away; maybe she hadn’t seen him. He slowed his pace a bit, but tried to look elsewhere. He could not. Just the sight of her spurned a sea of memories and emotions he had tried to calm for weeks now. He couldn’t even look at her blonde hair without remembering it being draped across his chest, the cool feeling he got when he ran his fingers through it... the scent of her, the way her eyes fairly danced when she smiled.

They met at the fork in the path. One way from here... they would have to walk together, or else it would be awkward. He spoke first. “Hi, Lynn.”

Her blue eyes met his for the first time in what felt like eons, bringing back memories. Even after work, she looked amazing. “Hello.” She was distant, but was not cold.

He cracked a grin. It hurt a bit. Still tender. Damn, she did a number on you, he thought to himself. Get it together. It’s water under the bridge.

They walked on for a bit. There was no one else in sight. Fancy that... and yet after weeks of the silent treatment, here they walked together. Fate can be such a bitch sometimes.

The path narrowed, and their hands almost touched. Electricity seared through his mind, momentarily stunning him. Recovering, he forced himself to not think about the sheer joy her fingers had brought him when they were lightly clasped between his own. The way his heart had melted effortlessly in her hands when she caressed his arms with her fingertips. Their hands touched again. This time, they both stopped, turning to each other. He was still a bit at a loss on what to say. She seemed a bit perplexed, but said nothing.

Finally he breathed. “It’s been a while. How have you been?”

She turned and took another step forward. “Busy with work. But I’ve been doing okay... you?”

“Same, actually... work, life, work.” He walked beside her again, and her hand slipped into his. In that moment, he was reminded of just how dangerous her touch was... how fast she had seduced him. But he let her hold his hand, and entwined her fingers between his. Their history preceded them. The talking was easier now.

“Dating? Me neither.”

“Weekend’s coming up. I can’t wait.”

They walked slower now. His left hand on her side, holding her body close. Her right hand on his shoulder. Just like old times... almost.

They were at the parking lot now. Their walk slowed even more. Her fingers slipped from his, but lingered across his palm. “Well if you’re not busy tonight, I’ll be making Italian. You can come if you’d like; I could use the company.” Her voice was velvet.

He paused a moment before looking back into her eyes- a dangerous move. She was beautiful. But he brushed her hand from his. “No. This is closure.”

She said nothing as he turned and walked away.

Chapters

What do most people do when they've been courting someone for a year and a half and break up? I'm not sure, but apparently it's different from my experience.

For those of you who aren't aware, I have been dating a wonderful girl from Ohio for the past year and a half. Rebecca has been a close friend for several years now (we met in college), and it was summer of last year when we decided to shake things up and go on a date sometime. Going into the relationship, we knew it would be tricky since we live seven hours apart and literally wouldn't see each other much due to her graduating and my still being in school. Long distance relationships are difficult. But we made it work... we wrote letters incessantly, texted/Facebooked, and talked on the phone. There were many pitter-patterings of the heart, fireworks, and twitterpation. All was wonderful and beautiful, save for the fact that we never got to see each other. We saw each other face-to-face only three times over the course of our courtship, but they were always happy times. After 2011, I returned to school, she went to Africa, I went to work at Disney World, she returned from Africa... life happened. Our talks grew less interesting and less frequent... the letters stopped. We saw the inevitable coming. So when it finally happened, we were in mutual agreement. The end of our romance came peacefully.

I love Facebook's Pirate language. It makes everything better.

As soon as "Andy Knol went from being 'in a relationship' to 'single' " hit Facebook news feeds everywhere, the replies were mostly along the same lines...

"That sucks, man."

"Just know you're still a wonderful person!"

"I'm so sorry!"

While I do greatly appreciate the sympathy of my friends and family, I would like to make something clear. Yes, we broke up... but it's not as harsh as it may sound. The term "break-up" doesn't really apply in this case. A real break-up would involve severance... of hearts, of feelings, of relationship. But we didn't lose anything by ending our pursuance of romance. We're just as good of friends still, if not closer because of our history. The ending of our courtship was not the result of anger, heartache, and a strongly toned "I'm breaking up with you" laced with expletives, but rather a mature decision made as a result of much thought and prayer. And as such, we are perfectly okay with getting back together if God decides to bring us closer together in the future.

No matter what happens, there will always be Halo.

I don't regret anything about my relationship with Rebecca. There were many joyful moments, and countless moments when my heart skipped beats. Love is wonderful, but true love usually masks itself in many facets. I discovered many facets of love with my relationship with Rebecca, and I am very appreciative of the friendship we still share. As for our future, we will always be friends, but we leave it up to God if He wants to write more into our later chapters.

So where am I now through all of this? Florida, for starters. I have just less than two months left at Disney World. After that, I'm not sure. Maybe I'll go back to school and work on that double art degree I've been chipping away at. Or maybe I'll stay local in Indiana for a while. Or maybe pick up some field work elsewhere. I'm not sure. But now is when I close my eyes and breathe, thanking God for each chapter of my story.


**42**

- Knolster